After telling myself I'd do it for eight months, I'm finally half done babyproofing the house. Well, technically, it's more like one-third done ... I still have to install the cabinet latches and bookcase cleats, and then I have to go around and figure out if there's anything on a low shelf that Avery could get stuck in her throat. So maybe it's more like one-quarter done. Hey, shut up, it's more than you've done.

I did get the fridge door lock and the toilet lid locks in place. The former wasn't a big deal, but it's good to keep her from getting stuck inside. I was more concerned about keeping her from fishing for brown-backed corn trout, if you get my drift. In fact, the toilet latches were the first thing I installed.

I hope I haven't made a mistake. After all, in the middle of the night I'm going to have to wrestle with this thing, right? What if, in my walking-dead state, I can't figure it out and end up peeing in the sink? I mean after my wife kills me.

But then again, if I can't get into the fridge either, I guess I'd have no real reason to get the toilet open.