2007/10/05 11:58

Is This What They Call "Californication"?

So I open my newspaper this morning to find "Orlando's 101 Best," a reader poll of our favorite area restaurants, shops and attractions. Awesome, I think -- I'm always looking for new recommended local places to eat, shop, or just walk around. Maybe this will hip me to more of the local culture.

Seriously, it's like I never learn. There's still no local culture in Orlando.

Here are some of the results, which I wish I was making up.
  • Seasons 52 was named for best American, best atmosphere, best dessert and best vegetarian, and (just like it always does) it took best overall restaurant. Know who owns Seasons 52? Darden. Fourteen hundred restaurants nationwide and somehow they manage to operate the best joint in Central Florida.
  • The House of Blues gets "best bar to see live music"? Do you people know what a bar is?
  • Best Chinese: P.F. Chang's. Best coffee: Starbucks. Best Italian: Carrabba's, with freaking Olive Garden and Macaroni Grill as runners-up. You know, Florida is populated with expatriated New Yorkers. I thought they knew what Chinese, coffee and Italian were supposed to taste like.
  • Best Happy Hour: Chili's. Wait, what?
  • Publix brought home the award for best sub. I feel obligated to disclose that Publix is a goddamn supermarket.
  • Barnes and Noble was named the best bookstore. This one was a gimme, though, because locals don't open bookstores knowing that Floridians can't read.
  • Best Place To Find A Unique Gift: Downtown Disney. Excuse me, but how is anything you find at Disney unique?
  • By the time the Epcot Food and Wine Festival nabbed "best community festival," I had already put down the paper.
How is it that Sed's hospital is the busiest labor and delivery unit in the Western Hemisphere and still nobody's from here?

 

Comments
Seriously? Did you just pick out some, or was it really all like this? There wasn't a single actual local place in the list? Sadly, I think this area is a lot like that. Sure, there are a couple of local places, but I've lived here six months and two local places that were good (Italian and Mexican) have closed.
# posted by Blogger Mo : 10/05/2007 4:09 PM
 
I take mild offense to the "Floridian's can't read" thing.. And I'm a 6th generation Floridian, we are a rare species but we do exist.
http://alilinsane.livejournal.com/
# posted by Blogger Chloe_KittyKat : 10/05/2007 4:26 PM
 
That is so sad, dude. The Starbucks thing might actually make me hurt on the inside.

Is that newspaper all there is? Doesn't Orlando have some kind of alternative rag? Or maybe yelp can help?
# posted by Blogger sara of the hinterland : 10/09/2007 1:30 PM
 
And yet more reasons why I would never want to live in FL.
# posted by Anonymous Katrina : 10/12/2007 8:14 AM
 
You know, the local paper here has practically the same "best of" bullshit list. Being from here, though, there's local places I know about. I think that people who answer these things or the "journalists" who "research" for these lists are fucking lazy. Somehow the zillions of cool local places I know about NEVER make it on these lists.
# posted by Blogger synergy : 11/03/2007 4:03 PM
 
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