2007/10/13 22:53
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
Dear Rachael Ray,
This may be the hardest letter I'll ever write. We've had a good run, after all -- you perform hideous media abominations and I mock you. But this just isn't working out for me anymore.
It's not you, it's me. No, strike that; it's mostly you. As your exposure, your volume, your amount of eyeliner have all gone up, your shows have become unwatchable. I used to cherish 30 Minute Meals for its savvy interpretations of simplistic yet well-rounded meals, but let's be honest -- how many times can I be expected to watch you reinvent pasta or cheeseburgers?
When you took on the $40-a-Day role, that was the beginning of the end. Looking past the questionable hyphenation (even though one of them might be better pressed into service in the previous title), it was just another show about restaurants in places I will never go. And the restaurants you chose, the dishes you sampled, the chintzy, paltry tips you left! Rachael, the show is irresponsible and unconscionable, and yet you persist.
Then came the cavalcade of Oprah/Martha clones ... Inside Dish, Tasty Travels, the syndicated talk show, the magazine. Each less watchable than the previous. It's gotten to where if I see your hideous visage on my TV screen -- even during a commercial -- I shudder and quickly change the channel. And this is why our brief, twisted tryst must end. After all, if I'm not watching your show, how can I make fun of it?
I wish I'd been there to break it to you gently, Rachael, but you aren't a media empire. You're just a backwoods supermarket buyer who found a bright spot of fame making quick and easy meals on afternoon television. We must embrace our limitations. For example, I know that about four people are reading this, and you aren't one of them. But I know of no other way to tell you it's over.
Love always,
Rick
PS. Boy, first your husband and now me. I tell ya, Rachael, I almost feel bad for you. But not as bad as I feel for your makeup artist. She has no escape but to lose her job.
This may be the hardest letter I'll ever write. We've had a good run, after all -- you perform hideous media abominations and I mock you. But this just isn't working out for me anymore.
It's not you, it's me. No, strike that; it's mostly you. As your exposure, your volume, your amount of eyeliner have all gone up, your shows have become unwatchable. I used to cherish 30 Minute Meals for its savvy interpretations of simplistic yet well-rounded meals, but let's be honest -- how many times can I be expected to watch you reinvent pasta or cheeseburgers?
When you took on the $40-a-Day role, that was the beginning of the end. Looking past the questionable hyphenation (even though one of them might be better pressed into service in the previous title), it was just another show about restaurants in places I will never go. And the restaurants you chose, the dishes you sampled, the chintzy, paltry tips you left! Rachael, the show is irresponsible and unconscionable, and yet you persist.
Then came the cavalcade of Oprah/Martha clones ... Inside Dish, Tasty Travels, the syndicated talk show, the magazine. Each less watchable than the previous. It's gotten to where if I see your hideous visage on my TV screen -- even during a commercial -- I shudder and quickly change the channel. And this is why our brief, twisted tryst must end. After all, if I'm not watching your show, how can I make fun of it?
I wish I'd been there to break it to you gently, Rachael, but you aren't a media empire. You're just a backwoods supermarket buyer who found a bright spot of fame making quick and easy meals on afternoon television. We must embrace our limitations. For example, I know that about four people are reading this, and you aren't one of them. But I know of no other way to tell you it's over.
Love always,
Rick
PS. Boy, first your husband and now me. I tell ya, Rachael, I almost feel bad for you. But not as bad as I feel for your makeup artist. She has no escape but to lose her job.
Labels: open letters
Not being a "foodie" (ugh, I hate that word) I rarely to never watch cooking shows. Strike that, I'm not domestic so I rarely watch shows that have anything remotely domestic, soooo. The only thing I can say about RR is that a few times I flipped past a channel that had her on for some reason on the weekend or during primetime and I quickly flipped away because her voice was effin annoying and grating.
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