2007/09/06 23:30
Schmucks In a Row
Today during Mama-Mandated TV Time (the hour immediately after Sed gets home, when Ned's Declassified is on), I heard this ad for a kid-specific cell phone.
No, this isn't another Commercials That Piss Me Off post. What snagged me about this spot was the music -- the "Cha Cha Slide." Apparently, this has become a hip dance craze sometime during the nine years when I already had a significant other and no longer had to go clubbing to find a mate. I don't know how to do it, and you know what? I don't care.
At some point beyond the haze of collegiate alcoholic debauchery, I decided to stop doing any and all line dances. The Cotton-Eye Joe was fun after a few pitchers, especially the part where you yell "Bullshit!" as loud as you can just before staggering off the dance floor and puking in your date's handbag. And the Electric Slide was fine when I'd ingested enough margaritas -- plus, since everybody knows it, you're almost weirder if you sit it out.
"So why?" you're asking. "If you're as little of a freak as you might inversely claim to be, why don't you just do the dance?" And you're running down a list of options:
Seriously. Next time you're at a wedding (like the one I'm going to this weekend, where I just know they're gonna play the "Cha Cha Slide") or a club or a bar mitzvah or whatever, watch the dancers during the line dance. But don't watch their feet. Watch their faces. These people are locked in concentration, working to lock their steps with their neighbors. When they miss a beat, they wince or curse or stop despondently and watch the rest of the block for a good place to re-enter. Thanks, but when I want to march in formation I go to drum corps practice.
Dancing is about expression, about freedom, about just having a good time with your friends and loved ones. So when I'm dancing with my daughter at this wedding, I won't be goose-stepping -- I'll be expressing myself.
Specifically, I'll be expressing what a fool I am and how hard I'm going to embarrass Avery in twelve years.
No, this isn't another Commercials That Piss Me Off post. What snagged me about this spot was the music -- the "Cha Cha Slide." Apparently, this has become a hip dance craze sometime during the nine years when I already had a significant other and no longer had to go clubbing to find a mate. I don't know how to do it, and you know what? I don't care.
At some point beyond the haze of collegiate alcoholic debauchery, I decided to stop doing any and all line dances. The Cotton-Eye Joe was fun after a few pitchers, especially the part where you yell "Bullshit!" as loud as you can just before staggering off the dance floor and puking in your date's handbag. And the Electric Slide was fine when I'd ingested enough margaritas -- plus, since everybody knows it, you're almost weirder if you sit it out.
"So why?" you're asking. "If you're as little of a freak as you might inversely claim to be, why don't you just do the dance?" And you're running down a list of options:
- When they audition for "Dancing With the Stars," there's actually a category called "Exact Opposite of Rick."
- I'm such a belligerent nonconformist that I also throw punch at the dancers and the DJ when it comes on.
- I'm lame and I suck.
Seriously. Next time you're at a wedding (like the one I'm going to this weekend, where I just know they're gonna play the "Cha Cha Slide") or a club or a bar mitzvah or whatever, watch the dancers during the line dance. But don't watch their feet. Watch their faces. These people are locked in concentration, working to lock their steps with their neighbors. When they miss a beat, they wince or curse or stop despondently and watch the rest of the block for a good place to re-enter. Thanks, but when I want to march in formation I go to drum corps practice.
Dancing is about expression, about freedom, about just having a good time with your friends and loved ones. So when I'm dancing with my daughter at this wedding, I won't be goose-stepping -- I'll be expressing myself.
Specifically, I'll be expressing what a fool I am and how hard I'm going to embarrass Avery in twelve years.
If I remember correctly, your dancing is what helped you snag your daughter's mother....
# posted by 
: 9/07/2007 9:05 AM
: 9/07/2007 9:05 AM
I admit that I participate in all of the line dancing, but I'm the one in the front row keeping everyone on step, not the one concentrating and making faces.
Also, the "Cha Cha Slide"? The lyrics to the song tell you exactly what to do. "To the left ... take it back now, ya'll ... one hop ... one hop, slide to the left ... slide to the right ... everybody clap your hands!" Seriously, worst line dance EVER.
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Also, the "Cha Cha Slide"? The lyrics to the song tell you exactly what to do. "To the left ... take it back now, ya'll ... one hop ... one hop, slide to the left ... slide to the right ... everybody clap your hands!" Seriously, worst line dance EVER.
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