2007/02/22 15:32
Creamed Chipped Beef on Toast
This page has been spare of new posts recently, not that anyone's noticed. I blame my recent schedule -- staring at a screen full of numbers for eight hours and then coming home and staring at a screen full of fart jokes until bedtime doesn't exactly promote creativity.
So I recently picked up No One Cares What You Had For Lunch, a book full of writing prompts for your blog, written by infamous blogger Maggie Mason. I might not always agree with her minimalist writing style and her maximalist consumerism, but dammit, she's funny.
But I almost had to stop reading when right away, on the first page, the MightyGirl touted this affrontery to common sense, this flagrant flouting of one of the most basic bathroom rules:
No. No. Just ... NO.
We live in a world full of driftwood figurines, fake-rock junction box covers, special edition box sets, bright orange vegetable knives hawked by Joker-smiling TV personalities. It's a world where Hallmark is a multi-million-dollar entity; one where catalogs full of useless, decorative crap successfully move product. I got that. Beauty is important to our culture. But some things should be utilitarian.
You aren't in the bathroom to admire anything. In fact, the reason you're there in the first place is to prevent polite company from seeing and hearing ugly events. Likewise, the toilet paper is not a decorative element -- it's about to go into the offending orifice, thereby preventing another ugly event from occurring on the outside of your trousers.
Can you even tear the paper off when the roll is loaded in this so-called aesthetically pleasing configuration? I posit that you cannot. You can try, but the roll will subsequently unspool onto the floor, picking up whatever lint, dust, or overflow has managed to collect there. And who wants to wipe their holiest of holies with that?
I can live with our spending perfectly good money on tiny ceramic mice whose only job is to look cute. I can even come to grips with my media shelves being so full of knick-knacks that the only place to put new DVDs is on the top. But when I'm dropping the kids off at the pool in the middle of the night, and I can't find the tab for the toilet paper because some designer decided it looks better in the back, then, my friends, the terrorists have won.
(On the bright side, it gives me something to write about.)
So I recently picked up No One Cares What You Had For Lunch, a book full of writing prompts for your blog, written by infamous blogger Maggie Mason. I might not always agree with her minimalist writing style and her maximalist consumerism, but dammit, she's funny.
But I almost had to stop reading when right away, on the first page, the MightyGirl touted this affrontery to common sense, this flagrant flouting of one of the most basic bathroom rules:
When I am queen, I shall decree that all rolls of toilet paper be correctly inserted into the toilet paper dispensers. Correctly? You have all been improperly instructed to place your toilet paper with the "tongue" facing outward. This is incorrect. Why? It's ugly.
No. No. Just ... NO.
We live in a world full of driftwood figurines, fake-rock junction box covers, special edition box sets, bright orange vegetable knives hawked by Joker-smiling TV personalities. It's a world where Hallmark is a multi-million-dollar entity; one where catalogs full of useless, decorative crap successfully move product. I got that. Beauty is important to our culture. But some things should be utilitarian.
You aren't in the bathroom to admire anything. In fact, the reason you're there in the first place is to prevent polite company from seeing and hearing ugly events. Likewise, the toilet paper is not a decorative element -- it's about to go into the offending orifice, thereby preventing another ugly event from occurring on the outside of your trousers.
Can you even tear the paper off when the roll is loaded in this so-called aesthetically pleasing configuration? I posit that you cannot. You can try, but the roll will subsequently unspool onto the floor, picking up whatever lint, dust, or overflow has managed to collect there. And who wants to wipe their holiest of holies with that?
I can live with our spending perfectly good money on tiny ceramic mice whose only job is to look cute. I can even come to grips with my media shelves being so full of knick-knacks that the only place to put new DVDs is on the top. But when I'm dropping the kids off at the pool in the middle of the night, and I can't find the tab for the toilet paper because some designer decided it looks better in the back, then, my friends, the terrorists have won.
(On the bright side, it gives me something to write about.)
Some people really are very anal about which way the roll faces. (Pun intended.) My ex's stepfather would completely freak out if you put it in the wrong way.
YES! ROTFLMAO Damnit, I don't want to think when I'm reaching for the t.p. in the middle of the night trying desperately not to become too awake because I won't be able to go back to sleep!
Post a Comment
<< Home
