CHANGE OF HEART
                                  by Rick Moya

                                 (October 1995)



     Jenny Goldman sat down in the back of the lecture hall and tossed her
long brown hair over her shoulder.  She rubbed her eyes, partly out of
habit but mostly because it was the only thing she could do to keep them
open.  Eyes still closed, she turned her head to the ceiling and silently
wished she'd never run for freshman class vice-president four years ago. 
Then she never would have won and never would have been motivated to keep
doing senate at this god-forsaken hour of the morning.
     She opened her eyes and looked toward the front of the room.  Matt
Phillips, senior class president and her unofficial running mate, was
talking with his friends, undoubtedly about the latest girl he'd used.  She
smirked.  Matt was the hottest ticket in school, perenially single, but
always looking for a date.  Every girl at Mountain High School thought Matt
was the greatest catch she could make.  Except Jenny, that is.  Four years
of working with him had exposed his true nature.  He was a pig.
     "Hey, Jenny," he called, shaking her out of her thoughts.  "What's
with this back-of-the-room stuff?  The meeting's up here."
     She looked at him amusedly.  "Oh, I didn't know you boys were done
with your pre-meeting bonding ritual."  She picked up her backpack and
stood.
     The guys whispered among themselves as she made her way to the front. 
She heard a muttered "You're on" from somewhere in the cluster just before
she sat next to Matt.
     He turned and smiled at her.  Not his usual presidential smile, but
one she'd seen before and didn't know where.  "So, how are you?"
     "I'm fine.  I could have used a little more sleep."  She eyed him
warily, trying to figure out his game.  He was never this nice to her, not
in four years.  If anything, they'd grown apart since they first met.
     "I know what you're saying.  I tried to get the meetings moved to
after school last year, remember?"
     Jenny remembered nothing of the sort.  "Yeah, I do."
     He cleared his throat.
     Immediately, a siren went off in her brain.  She suddenly knew where
she'd seen the smile before.  Coupled with the false throat clearing, it
meant he was about to strike, and this time, the target was her.
     "So, what are you doing after school today?" he asked.
     "Jazz band practice.  We have a competition on Saturday."
     "I'd stick around, if you need a ride home."  He wasn't giving up.
     "Thanks, but I have a car."
     The student body president rapped his gavel on the podium just as Matt
opened his mouth again.  Jenny sighed in relief as he turned his attention
to the meeting.  Her thoughts, however, were somewhere else.  Matt had all
but ignored her the last three years.  Why was he suddenly wanting her now?
     When the meeting was over, he followed her out.  "What's your next
class?"
     "Quantum physics."
     "Can I walk you there?"
     "No."
     "Where's your jazz competition?"
     "Neptune."
     "What lunch do you have?"
     "Not yours."
     He grabbed her shoulder and turned her to face him.  "Okay, I'm going
to stop pulling punches.  Jenny, you are absolutely beautiful.  You may not
feel the same about me.  And we've worked together all through high school,
but we've never gotten the chance to really know each other.  I'd like to
take you out and fill that void.  Can I?"
     She faked shock, taking a step back.  "Wow.  I never knew you felt
that way.  Now it's time for me to be honest with you."  She took the step
forward again and glared into his eyes from only inches away.  "My next
class is English, not quantum physics.  Our jazz contest is at East Valley,
but I know you hate jazz anyway.  And I won't go out with you, the sole
reason being I've known you too long.  You're a user, Matt Phillips."
     "I told you!" one of his cronies jeered.  Matt turned to glare at him. 
When he turned around, Jenny was giggling uncontrollably.
     "What's so funny?" he demanded.
     "You!  You all are."  She laughed out loud.  "You all think you're the
most desirable men in school.  In your puny little minds, you think you're
doing girls a favor asking them out, and they should all swoon at your
feet.  Well, the one girl that really knows you knows better than to
degrade herself for pigs."  She turned and headed for her locker, still
laughing.
     She got there to find her best friend, Bree Callista, leaning against
her locker.  Bree's face was stony.
     "Word has it you not only turned down a date with Matt Phillips, but
you embarrassed him in front of everyone in B hall," Bree said.
     "Word travels fast.  You're in my way."
     Bree didn't move.  "Are you out of your mind?  Matt Phillips is the
hottest guy in school!  Let's go find him.  Maybe you can plead temporary
insanity."  She grabbed Jenny's arm and headed for the lecture hall.
     Jenny squirmed free of Bree's grip and turned the dial on her lock. 
"You go ahead.  Maybe he'll take a trade-in."
     "I don't believe this."  Bree sat down on the floor.  "Five years ago
you would have *killed* for a date with Matt Phillips."
     "Five years ago I didn't *know* Matt Phillips.  Get over yourself,
Bree.  You're acting like I rebuked the ghost of Jesus Christ or
something."  Jenny dumped her copy of The Odyssey into her backpack and
slammed the locker shut.
     "Not funny."
     "Sorry."  Christianity was Bree's most serious cause of the hour.
     Bree stood up.  "I know you've turned down dates before, but Matt
Phillips?  I've heard a lot about his way with women.  Lisa Smith said he
gave her the ride of her life."
     "The slut."
     "Really."  Bree paused.  "I mean, give her a break.  It's not just
her.  A lot of girls have fallen for Matt."
     "And he does nothing to deter him.  Bree, I said no because I know how
he is.  He doesn't care about the girls he dates.  I don't want to be
another notch on his bedpost."  Jenny turned and headed for class.  Bree
followed her, since they shared the class.
     "That was a good idea," she mused.
     "So now you're agreeing with me?" Jenny asked.
     "No.  What you said about a trade-in."
     Jenny looked at her friend.  Bree was short, almost fully a head
shorter than her own five feet ten.  She was also--well, Jenny didn't like
the word "fat," but any nice terms seemed condescending.  Bree had an
attractive face, though, with shoulder-length auburn hair and green eyes
that were constantly, ferociously burning.
     "I know, I know.  Don't get my hopes up."
     "I didn't say that.  But Matt would never go for anyone that didn't
look like a model."
     "What about you?"
     "Shut up."  She pushed Bree playfully.  Still, she hadn't gotten over
her absurd lankiness from middle school, so it stung a little.  Jenny still
looked in the mirror and saw the frighteningly scrawny girl who was
constantly teased.  Apparently, Matt didn't.  Her reason for turning down
dates might just be out the window.
     "Reconsidering?" Bree teased.
     "Not on your life.  Come on.  We're going to be late."

                                    *  *  *

     Jenny picked up the phone on the third ring--hesitantly.  It had been
four days since the senate meeting, and Matt still hadn't given up.  She
prayed fervently as she raised the receiver.
     [Please, God, don't let it be him again.]
     "Hi, Jen."  Matt's voice cut through her hopes like a hot knife
through butter.
     She sighed.  "I'd hang up on you if I didn't think you might have
something important to say."
     "It's important.  To me.  You know how I've been bugging you all
week?"
     "How could I forget?"
     "Well..."  He paused.  "I sort of made a bet with Glen."
     "You made a bet on me?"
     "Yeah.  That I could get you to go out with me before the end of the
week."
     "I don't believe this," she muttered.  "Only you would do something
like this.  You know, you haven't exactly drawn a flattering picture of
yourself these last four years."
     "I know.  I probably seem like a womanizing bastard in your eyes."
     [That's because you are one.]
     "But I need your help.  It's a big bet."
     "How big?"
     He sighed.  "His cell phone for a month against my car for the rest of
the year."
     She gasped.  Matt's car meant everything to him.  "Are you insane? 
You must have had some thought I would say no."
     "Yeah.  But you know Glen.  He can goad me into anything.  And
besides, I kinda do have an inflated image of myself.  You know, the
ultimate desirable one."  He paused, maybe waiting for an answer.  "Please? 
You know how important my car is to me."
     Jenny thought.  "All right.  But I'm only doing this once.  And you
better not try anything."
     "Don't worry, I won't.  Thanks, Jen.  You're a lifesaver."
     She put the reciever down and picked up her trumpet.  She had to
think, and there was only one way she could do it well.

                                    *  *  *

     She'd done it a million times.  But still, it helped to go through
each step mentally as it came.
     [Lock the bike to the park rack -- third slot from the right.  Spin the
dial.  Head into the arroyo, under the bridge.  Set the tape player on the
lip.  Play.]
     A jazz progression she'd sequenced on her computer blared tinnily out
of the cheap radio.  Jenny slung the gig bag off her shoulder.  This was
where the thinking started, under the bridge in the flood channel with her
trumpet.  She'd discovered it one day walking home from school.  Sometimes
she drew a crowd, but this afternoon, with dark clouds threatening rain,
the park was all but empty.  She'd be alone.
     [Okay, so he doesn't really like me.  This is all a bet.  Stupid
little boys thinking they can get everything they want.  So why am I going
out with him?]
     [I admit, Matt's a nice guy.  He's one of the few in the senate who's
not out just to raise his popularity.  He's in charge of every service
project, and he's the first one there and the last one to leave.  Plus,
he's cute.  Okay, he's *really* cute.]
     [I don't believe it.  I might as well be in eighth grade again.  I
drooled over him all year in social studies.  Never thought he'd be asking
me out, even if it is for a bet.  Popular boys don't date band geeks.  Nor
do they date ugly girls.]
     [Okay, okay, so I'm not ugly.  But I'm still intimidating.  Five-ten
since seventh grade, that's gotta scare some people.  Also, I weighed what,
ninety pounds then?  Worse than Kate Moss.  A traveling freakshow.  The
name calling never stopped.  Fortunately, I've filled out some.  But I'm
still mostly sharp angles.  Boys like girls who are soft curves, especially
Matt.]
     Jenny took the trumpet from her lips.
     [Wait a minute.  Why am I even worrying about this?  He knows I don't
like him as anything more than a friend.  And if he tries anything, he's
not going to get it.  This is getting to me way too much.  Do I still like
him?]
     A clap of thunder cut into her thoughts.  She looked out at the rain
starting to come down.
     [You never want to be in an arroyo when it's raining.  Better get
home.]

                                    *  *  *

     The doorbell rang.  Jenny stood and smoothed out her long denim skirt,
not fully knowing why she'd dressed up.  She opened the door for Matt, who
was holding a single white rose.
     "Hi," he said.  "You look great."
     "Thanks.  So do you."  She had to admit it -- he was amazing.  He wore
the silk shirt and jeans like he'd been poured into them.
     "You didn't have to dress up."  He looked down.  "I think you're
perfect every day."
     She pushed him playfully.  "Get off.  I'm not one of your groupies,
ready to lift off the ground for your compliments.  Besides, if I hadn't, I
would have felt underdressed next to you."
     He didn't look up.
     "So are you ready to go?"
     He cleared his throat.  "Yeah."  He handed her the rose and headed to
his car.
     Jenny looked at the flower and shook her head.  Matt was still using
the pickup act, even though she said she wasn't interested.  She followed
him, closing the door behind her.
     He stood by the open passenger door, waiting for her.  She walked up
to him and gestured to the rose.
     "Don't you usually bring your victims red roses?" she asked.
     He laughed -- involuntarily, it seemed.  "You already said you won't
give in.  But I notice you brought it with you."
     She shrugged.  "I'm not one to turn down a peace offering."  She moved
past him and got in the car.  She heard him mutter something as he closed
the door, but didn't catch the words.
     "So where are we going?" she asked as he started the car.
     He shrugged.  "I hadn't decided."
     She batted her eyes flirtatiously.  "Not one of your romantic
hideaways?" she teased.
     "Only if you want to."  He pulled out of the driveway.
     She nodded.  "Yeah, why not?  I'm curious to see where you might take
me if you were really interested."
     
     He parked in front of Liquid Assets.
     She gasped.  "You really bring girls here?"
     He nodded.  "Sometimes.  If it's someone I really like."
     "Get off.  You *like* girls?  Not just use them?"  She looked up at
the building.  "This is the most expensive restaurant in town."
     "Second most, actually.  For my mom's fortieth, we took her to the
Summit.  It was like thirty dollars a plate."  Matt got out of the car and
seconds later was opening her door.
     They walked in, and Matt turned and spoke briefly with the maitre'd. 
Immediately, they were sitting in a secluded corner.
     "That was fast," Jenny commented.  "Especially for a Friday night."
     He grinned.  "I had reservations a couple places.  This was one of
them.  I guess the others can just take my name off the list."
     After they'd eaten and Matt had paid, despite Jenny's numerous
protests, he drove out to an empty lot about a mile from town.
     "I come out here a lot," he said, driving between two high dirt walls. 
"It's a perfect place.  It's quiet, it's clean, and you can see the stars."
     "And nobody can hear you scream," she joked.  "How did you find this
place?"
     "Service project.  Clean Up the Mesa, back in our freshman year.  I
was out here, bagging up trash, and I saw the place.  Don't know how it
formed, but I love it."  He stopped the car and climbed out.  He opened the
door for her before popping the trunk and taking a blanket out.
     She stood and looked around.  The two walls he'd driven between were
the only way into the flat area they stood in now.  The rest of the area, a
rough circle about fifty yards across, was surrounded by steep hills and
high cliffs.  It was like being in one of the moon's craters.
     Matt was sitting on the blanket at the base of one hill and was waving
her over.  "The view's not as good tonight as it is sometimes.  Once, I was
out here with Glen, and the sky was perfectly clear.  You could see
everything.  I wished I'd brought my telescope.  Of course, he was too
smashed to notice."
     She didn't answer, just laid down and looked up.
     He laid next to her.  "They look neat tonight, though.  With those
clouds that sort of look like they're spilling over the edge of something. 
It makes the stars glow, kind of."
     She got up on one elbow and looked down at him.  She'd never seen a
spiritual side to him before.  "You really like the stars, don't you?"
     "They're my life."  He sat up and looked directly into her eyes. 
"When I'm out here on a clear night with my telescope, it's like I can see
forever.  I feel like I'm right up there with Betelgeus, Polaris, Sirius. 
That's my true love."
     She smiled.  "You're a poet."
     He leaned closer.  "Do you think so?"  Closer.  "Nobody's ever seen me
that way before."  Closer.  "Maybe that's why I like you so much."
     She ducked away as he moved in for the kill.  She couldn't believe it. 
All this time she'd been telling him this was strictly to keep him out of
debt.  And he was still going after her.  She stood up.
     "Okay, that's all for tonight.  Take me home."
     He stood with her.  "But I thought ... you said...."
     "I didn't say anything that gave you permission to try and kiss me.  I
don't believe you.  All night, you've been a great friend to me.  But
now...."  She shook her head in disgust.  "Take me home.  Now."
     He said nothing, just picked up the blanket and shook it out.  The
ride home was depressingly quiet.  He didn't try to apologize, and she was
too furious for words.
     He pulled up in front of her house.  She looked over at him, expecting
him to say something, but he just sat there, staring down.  She sighed and
got out of the car.
     As she started up the walk, she heard him yell behind her.  "Wait! 
You forgot your rose!"
     She didn't turn.  She opened the front door as she heard his running
footsteps and slammed it without turning.  Leaning against it, she breathed
deeply.
     [What happened out there?  I never thought he was really interested in
me.  I told him he wasn't getting anything.  But he's still trying to get
it.]
     She looked out the peephole.  Matt was still standing on the walk,
holding the rose in both hands.  He looked up, right into her eye it
seemed, then headed back to his car.
     She shivered.  It was like he knew she'd picked that moment to look
for him.  But how could he know?  And why did she even look?  What was
going on?
     The night was a restless one.  Jenny tossed in bed, trying to get to
sleep, but unable to because of what kept running through her head.
     [I've been nothing but nice to him since yesterday.  And now he's
trying to get me.  Does two days of friendship really cover up three years
of disgust?  Do I like him?  Does *he* like *me*?]
     She sat up with a start.  Light was streaming in her window.  She
glanced at her clock.  8:27.  The whole sleepless night episode had been a
dream.
     She rubbed her eyes and pushed her covers to the side.  She wondered
if the date had been a dream, too.

                                    *  *  *

     Bree mumbled something around her tenor sax reed.
     Jenny looked up from her music.  "What?"
     Bree sighed and took the reed out of her mouth.  "I said, Matt
Phillips is sitting out in the audience."
     "Oh, my God."  Setting the music and her trumpet down, Jenny half-ran
to the curtain and peeked around it.  There was Matt, sitting in the middle
of the front row, still holding the rose.
     Bree joined her.  "Is there something you aren't telling me?"
     "No."  Jenny stood up.  "Nothing happened.  I told you."  They went
back to join the rest of the band.  Jenny picked up her music and went to
circle a note, but her pencil point snapped off.  She threw the pencil
down, and Bree looked at her.
     Jenny sighed and dropped the music.  "He made a move on me.  I turned
him away.  Happy?"
     Bree narrowed her eyes.  "If you said no, why is he out there?"
     It was Jenny's turn to be confused.  Of course, it wasn't much of a
change.  Matt had been confusing her since Monday.
     "I don't know.  Look, do you have your tuner?"
     Bree handed it over absently.
     The Jefferson band finished its set, and Mountain tuned up and went
on.  Usually, this was where Jenny cleared her mind and let the music take
over.  But this time, she couldn't stop looking at him.  And every time
she did, she noticed him looking at her.
     [I wish we were playing something avant-garde.  I could really put my
feelings into a solo in that.]
     After the set, he stood up, placed the rose on the stage, and left. 
She rushed forward to pick it up.  There was a note attached that hadn't
been there before.  Written on it were three words.
     *Think it over.*

                                    *  *  *

     "Dammit!"  Jenny slammed her locker shut.  Inside was another white
rose and a note for the fifth time in as many days.
     *I'm going insane.*
     "Another one?" Bree asked.
     "How did you guess?"  Jenny sank to the floor in front of the locker. 
"All week.  And I never see him.  He wasn't even at the senate meeting on
Monday."  She gestured to the locker.  "In today's note he's going insane. 
How does he think I feel?  He's been in my locker five days in a row."
     Bree sat down next to her.  "You have to talk to him."
     "Don't tell me that, tell him."  Jenny wiped her eyes.
     "Wait a second."  Bree looked closer.  "Are you crying?"
     "Get real.  I always rub my eyes.  You know that."
     "No.  You never cry.  You're the toughest chick I know, and you're
crying now.  I think you like Matt."
     "I can't like him.  He's a pig.  It's against my standards."
     "Jenny, look at the facts.  This week, he's been all but invisible. 
Sara Kelly, who was supposed to go out with him this weekend, said he's
withdrawn, called off the date.  I haven't seen him at all this week.  The
guy's sprung on you.  You learned it this weekend, and that's why this is
getting you so much.  Because *you* like *him*.  You've always liked him,
just been too proud to admit it to yourself."
     Jenny looked up at her friend, not bothering to hide her tears.  "What
are you, my psychologist?"
     Bree shrugged.  "You're wearing it all over your face.  That's not
just mascara running down your cheeks, Miss Goldman."
     "Okay, so what if you're right?"  Jenny stood, opened her locker, and
fingered the rose.  "What if I do want to give him a chance?  What do I
do?"
     "I can't answer that.  You have to follow your heart and do what's
right for you."
     Jenny nodded.  "I think I can do that.  I'll talk to him."

                                    *  *  *

     Jenny stopped her car at the entrance to the crater.  A million
thoughts raced through her mind, but one jumped out in front of the rest.
     [I have to see him.]
     She got out of the car and headed into the crater.  Coming around the
corner, she saw only Matt's car.  A few steps further in greeted her with a
view of Matt himself, standing in the exact center.  The clouds had blown
over, and he was looking at the sky through an expensive looking telescope
and writing on a legal pad.
     She walked up behind him and stopped about ten feet away.  He never
saw her, he was so involved in the stars.  "What are you looking at?" she
asked softly.
     He didn't turn around.  "The Pleiades.  It's so clear tonight, I can
almost see the seventh star."
     "I need to talk to you," she said.
     "About what?"  He scribbled furiously on the legal pad.
     She sighed and took a step closer.  "About last week."
     "Well, get it over with.  Then I promise I'll stop bugging you." 
Matt's voice was suddenly weary, but he still didn't turn.
     "You don't understand."  She came up right next to him.  "I'm sorry I
didn't give you a chance."
     He finally looked at her.  "What?"
     She looked down.  "I should have just let things happen.  I...."  She
turned and took a few steps, then came right back to him.  "You're showing
a side of yourself I've never seen before.  I'm going to seem stupid if I
was just another one of your conquests, but I think I'm starting to fall
for you."
     He started to smile.  "Jenny, I've loved you since our sophomore
year."
     She took a step back.  "What?"
     "Honest.  All these years.  I never told you because first, you
thought I was a jerk, and second, I could never find the words.  Whenever I
was around you, my tongue got tied, and I couldn't talk straight unless it
was all business."
     "Really?"  She looked at him warily.  "What about all those other
girls?"
     He turned away.  "I don't know.  Maybe I was just frustrated because I
couldn't get you.  So I took whatever came along."  He looked back at her,
deep into her eyes.  "But none of them could ease the pain.  If anything,
they made it worse."
     "And your bragging to your friends?"
     "I never should have done that.  Making myself look like a stud only
hurt all those girls, and didn't do anything to get you.  But I guess we're
just like that.  Guys are different with girls than we are with other guys. 
All my friends brag about the success of their dates.  I couldn't help but
throw my hat in the ring."
     She took a few steps away from him.  "How can I believe this?  I mean,
I want to.  But you're telling me that all these girls you slept with --"
     "Were all telling stories of their own.  The most any of them got was
a kiss.  And all of them were bricks in the road to finding a replacement
for you."  He put a hand on her shoulder.  "Now I know there's not one.  So
what do you say?"
     She turned and looked at him.  Then she smiled.  "I say let's give it
another shot."

     Three hours later, she nestled up against him on the blanket at the
base of the hill.  "So does this mean we're an item?"
     "I guess it does."  He kissed her on the back of the neck.  "I never
thought anything could be that intense without at least one party being
naked.  I mean, I've made out before, but never like that."
     "You've just never done it with the right girl," she teased, leaning
back and kissing him.  "Seriously, when it's with the one you love,
everything's more intense."
     "You're right."  He sighed and held her closer.  "Nobody's ever gonna
believe this.  The wild man of Mountain High School, settling down?"
     "They'll have to."  She looked into his eyes.  "I barely believe it
myself, and here I am with you.  What's more true than that?"