2008/02/20 23:47
Rod Roddy, What Can He Win?
As you guys have been clamoring for the news....
Hold on. I just crashed my head into my desk so hard I had to take five minutes to staunch a nosebleed. Where's the clamoring? I've had zero comments for the last two weeks. Come on! Clamor!
Anyway, here's the new whip.
When I went to the lot, I told the salesman that I'd like to look at cars that weren't white. But they had this one, and it was pretty good, so I ended up bringing it home. So far, I'm happy with it. I'd like to sit a little lower in the driver's seat -- it's made for people of average height, not for me. But despite the cavernous amounts of room inside the car, it doesn't feel bigger or handle much clumsier when I'm driving it than the old one did. Plus it's technically not white -- it's vanilla.
On an unrelated note, I've been unmotivated to blog very much of late, as you may have noticed. Not that you faithful readers help. I'm thinking about going in a different direction with this site. We'll see what comes of it.
Hold on. I just crashed my head into my desk so hard I had to take five minutes to staunch a nosebleed. Where's the clamoring? I've had zero comments for the last two weeks. Come on! Clamor!
Anyway, here's the new whip.
When I went to the lot, I told the salesman that I'd like to look at cars that weren't white. But they had this one, and it was pretty good, so I ended up bringing it home. So far, I'm happy with it. I'd like to sit a little lower in the driver's seat -- it's made for people of average height, not for me. But despite the cavernous amounts of room inside the car, it doesn't feel bigger or handle much clumsier when I'm driving it than the old one did. Plus it's technically not white -- it's vanilla.
On an unrelated note, I've been unmotivated to blog very much of late, as you may have noticed. Not that you faithful readers help. I'm thinking about going in a different direction with this site. We'll see what comes of it.
Secret Identity Blown
Either he's too engrossed in his phone conversation to realize it, or he's preventing his roommate from taking it over, or it's a new fashion statement with the kids -- I don't know which, but the college-looking guy at the mailbox has neglected to remove his Guitar Hero controller.
I even have a camera phone now, but two attempts to capture the moment turned up fruitless.
I even have a camera phone now, but two attempts to capture the moment turned up fruitless.
2008/02/17 11:31
Text Your Pick to A-V-E-R-Y-R-U-L-E-S
Who truly won yesterday's NBA All-Star slam dunk contest? You be the judge:
Dwight Howard ...
or Avery?
Just goes to show that Orlando is where it's at for getting above the rim.
Dwight Howard ...
or Avery?
Just goes to show that Orlando is where it's at for getting above the rim.
2008/02/15 21:22
Goodbye, Old Friend
Even though I didn't technically own the car anymore, it still hurt a little bit deep in my chest to see it in such a state. I felt like I was using it, betraying it somehow by simply harvesting my belongings and walking away.
Oh well. My payout arrived today, and tomorrow I'll be shopping for a replacement. With any luck I should be able to find one that doesn't suck.
Thanks for the good memories, Thank God. Enjoy your well-deserved rest on the scrap heap.
2008/02/14 16:12
Quick Question
I haven't pulled the memes over here yet, have I? For those of you just tuning in, I used to fill out surveys on my LiveJournal with a passion. Hey, when your job entails sitting at a desk attempting to look busy, you have to do something to fill the gaps.
So here we go.
1. What is in the back seat of your car right now?
The front bumper.
I finally got to the tow yard this morning to release the car for salvage and collect the rest of my personal items -- the license plate and frame, my US-Japan Center bag, Sed's broken Pal Mickey, an assortment of burned CDs. They wouldn't let me take the stereo out, sadly, which, if I want to replace it in the future new whip, is two hundred bucks I have to hold back from the payout I'll be receiving shortly.
So I guess technically, right now, I don't own a car, since I sold it to the shop's insurance company. According to the agent, their appraiser stopped tallying the repair cost once it reached about what I paid for the car in the first place. The check's in the mail -- it's enough to drop monthly payments on a lightly-used full-size below the century mark; you can do the math yourself if you care enough.
Oh, the rest of the survey? Nah, that was just a device for getting into the post. Dawn at Because I Said So filled it out here, if you really want to do it yourself.
So here we go.
1. What is in the back seat of your car right now?
The front bumper.
I finally got to the tow yard this morning to release the car for salvage and collect the rest of my personal items -- the license plate and frame, my US-Japan Center bag, Sed's broken Pal Mickey, an assortment of burned CDs. They wouldn't let me take the stereo out, sadly, which, if I want to replace it in the future new whip, is two hundred bucks I have to hold back from the payout I'll be receiving shortly.
So I guess technically, right now, I don't own a car, since I sold it to the shop's insurance company. According to the agent, their appraiser stopped tallying the repair cost once it reached about what I paid for the car in the first place. The check's in the mail -- it's enough to drop monthly payments on a lightly-used full-size below the century mark; you can do the math yourself if you care enough.
Oh, the rest of the survey? Nah, that was just a device for getting into the post. Dawn at Because I Said So filled it out here, if you really want to do it yourself.
2008/02/05 21:09
And I Don't Even Have Coverage
So I have pictures of the accident, and yeah, this thing is totaled. Prepare yourself -- you might want to avert your eyes if you're not one for wanton destruction, or if the sight of such wreckage moves you in the wrong kind of way.
I bought this chair in 1996, just after my parents moved to a new house and I needed one. It's followed me to four different residences in two states. But years of abuse at the hands of my fat ass (pardon the anthropomorphization) finally took their toll.
The chair had been listing to one side for a few months, so I knew its time was near. I kept tilting it back up, holding my weight to the other side, hoping it would hold out a little longer. But this afternoon, while Sed was in it, she must have shifted her weight just right, because with a sudden crackle-thump, she was on her back on the floor, supporting the baby, who thought the whole thing was a pretty fun ride.
Luckily, neither of them got hurt. But man, that's just one more thing we have to replace.
Oh, the car? Yeah, you'll know more when I do. My insurance says "wait it out so you don't have to pay the deductible," her insurance says "we haven't been able to reach all parties involved," the shop's insurance says "we'll call you with a claim number to get the ball rolling." I say "take as long as you want, I guess, because you're paying for my rental and the storage fees, after all."
I bought this chair in 1996, just after my parents moved to a new house and I needed one. It's followed me to four different residences in two states. But years of abuse at the hands of my fat ass (pardon the anthropomorphization) finally took their toll.
The chair had been listing to one side for a few months, so I knew its time was near. I kept tilting it back up, holding my weight to the other side, hoping it would hold out a little longer. But this afternoon, while Sed was in it, she must have shifted her weight just right, because with a sudden crackle-thump, she was on her back on the floor, supporting the baby, who thought the whole thing was a pretty fun ride.
Luckily, neither of them got hurt. But man, that's just one more thing we have to replace.
Oh, the car? Yeah, you'll know more when I do. My insurance says "wait it out so you don't have to pay the deductible," her insurance says "we haven't been able to reach all parties involved," the shop's insurance says "we'll call you with a claim number to get the ball rolling." I say "take as long as you want, I guess, because you're paying for my rental and the storage fees, after all."
2008/02/03 23:45
Open Letters, Super Bowl Edition
Dear Jordin Sparks,
You fail at the National Anthem. Seriously, how hard is it to count to three? It's like counting to four, but you stop one sooner. Also, there are no turns or mordents anywhere in the music. Never sing it again.
Thanks,
Rick
Dear Patriots coaching staff,
It's Phoenix, assholes. Take off the hoodies and go get some polo shirts. You look like a bunch of damn slobs.
Yours,
Rick
Dear Halftime Entertainment Selection Committee,
Here's a thought: How about next year, you get someone who's relevant to modern music to perform? This is a slippery slope you've got us on, picking groups that the prime 18-34 market liked in sixth grade. Who've you got lined up for next year? All-4-One?
Or a better thought, one I've stated previously: BRING BACK THE MARCHING BANDS.
With pride,
Rick
Dear Tom Petty,
Get a haircut, hippie.
Regards,
Rick
Dear Eli Manning,
Four years ago, when you were drafted by the San Diego Chargers and then pulled a prima-donna act and refused to play for them, I decided you were a tool and not worth my time. But today, you have redeemed yourself.
Today, you and your Giants stopped the Patriots' run toward only the second ever undefeated season in the modern NFL. You ensured that the most hated team in football today would not have bragging rights over not just the championship, but the perfect year.
Today, Eli, all is forgiven.
Sincerely,
Rick
Dear BeliCheat,
SUCK ON THAT.
Love,
Rick
P.S. When you return to the seventh circle of Hell tonight, give my regards to Rachael.
You fail at the National Anthem. Seriously, how hard is it to count to three? It's like counting to four, but you stop one sooner. Also, there are no turns or mordents anywhere in the music. Never sing it again.
Thanks,
Rick
Dear Patriots coaching staff,
It's Phoenix, assholes. Take off the hoodies and go get some polo shirts. You look like a bunch of damn slobs.
Yours,
Rick
Dear Halftime Entertainment Selection Committee,
Here's a thought: How about next year, you get someone who's relevant to modern music to perform? This is a slippery slope you've got us on, picking groups that the prime 18-34 market liked in sixth grade. Who've you got lined up for next year? All-4-One?
Or a better thought, one I've stated previously: BRING BACK THE MARCHING BANDS.
With pride,
Rick
Dear Tom Petty,
Get a haircut, hippie.
Regards,
Rick
Dear Eli Manning,
Four years ago, when you were drafted by the San Diego Chargers and then pulled a prima-donna act and refused to play for them, I decided you were a tool and not worth my time. But today, you have redeemed yourself.
Today, you and your Giants stopped the Patriots' run toward only the second ever undefeated season in the modern NFL. You ensured that the most hated team in football today would not have bragging rights over not just the championship, but the perfect year.
Today, Eli, all is forgiven.
Sincerely,
Rick
Dear BeliCheat,
SUCK ON THAT.
Love,
Rick
P.S. When you return to the seventh circle of Hell tonight, give my regards to Rachael.
Labels: open letters
2008/02/01 19:58
Push One, They All Fall
It's nice to see the rest of the major pizza chains finally following Papa John's' (hey, let's see you pluralize a possessive, then) lead into the 21st century by implementing online ordering. I just point-and-clicked my way to a large hand-tossed Pizza Hut super supreme for delivery in 45 minutes. (Chill out, pan fans. You and I both know that shit is nasty after it's been sitting in the box on the ride to the house. The only way to eat a Pizza Hut pan pizza is out of the pan sitting down at the restaurant, a la Chicago-style.)
Why Pizza Hut, you ask? Didn't I write a screed against them in the wake of the Stuffed Pizza Sandwich? Wouldn't it be more sensible to go with Domino's? After all, didn't they jump on the Web-order bandwagon first? And what's with all the imaginary questions?
Simple answer, really. I'm nuts. But as regards the Domino's business, that's simple too: apparently, none of their stores deliver to my address.
Wait, what? Two of the three pickup locations mentioned are within three miles of my house. The second store on the list is in the same shopping center as Pizza Hut, Vito's Pizzeria (good stuff if you're willing to wait 80 minutes), Pine Garden (my Chinese delivery of choice), and several other fine restaurants I've no doubt would be delighted to bring food to my house just as the aforementioned three have (or will). What's more, I live in a highly university-student-intensive area. It would certainly behoove Domino's to try to sell pizza to them, and by correlation, me.
The last time I couldn't get Domino's to deliver to my house, I was seven years old and the chain was just finding a toehold in Albuquerque. Apparently not much has changed -- I have a beer gut, white hairs in my beard, and a child of my own, but Domino's still doesn't want to bring me pizza.
Well, forget you, Domino's. I don't need you anyway. By the time you finally deign to deliver to me, I'll be back in the land of the good stuff, and then you're all screwed.
Why Pizza Hut, you ask? Didn't I write a screed against them in the wake of the Stuffed Pizza Sandwich? Wouldn't it be more sensible to go with Domino's? After all, didn't they jump on the Web-order bandwagon first? And what's with all the imaginary questions?
Simple answer, really. I'm nuts. But as regards the Domino's business, that's simple too: apparently, none of their stores deliver to my address.
Wait, what? Two of the three pickup locations mentioned are within three miles of my house. The second store on the list is in the same shopping center as Pizza Hut, Vito's Pizzeria (good stuff if you're willing to wait 80 minutes), Pine Garden (my Chinese delivery of choice), and several other fine restaurants I've no doubt would be delighted to bring food to my house just as the aforementioned three have (or will). What's more, I live in a highly university-student-intensive area. It would certainly behoove Domino's to try to sell pizza to them, and by correlation, me.
The last time I couldn't get Domino's to deliver to my house, I was seven years old and the chain was just finding a toehold in Albuquerque. Apparently not much has changed -- I have a beer gut, white hairs in my beard, and a child of my own, but Domino's still doesn't want to bring me pizza.
Well, forget you, Domino's. I don't need you anyway. By the time you finally deign to deliver to me, I'll be back in the land of the good stuff, and then you're all screwed.
