2007/07/05 16:22
Eleven
Even with the divorce finalized, I harbored my deluded fantasy that someday my mom and dad would realize their mistake and get back together. So it came as quite a shock to me when my mom announced that she and Jerry were getting married.
Jerry was my mom's boss, for a while anyway. He was the administrator at UNM's children's psychiatric hospital, where my mom was his executive assistant. He moved on a few years later, from the job anyway. To my mom, he was irreversably attached.
I forget exactly how old I was when he moved in with us, but I never thought it was permanent. My denial-addled brain had me convinced that the only reason he stayed in our house and shared a bed with my mother was because his lease had run out at the place he was renting in Westgate and he couldn't find another place where he could keep two big dogs. Sombra and TC (both German Shepherd-Doberman Pinscher crosses; Sombra more Shep, TC more Dobie) were the reasons I accepted him into the house and into my life, if I have to be honest. I'd always wanted a dog.
But I wasn't ready to accept him as a father figure. My dad was still around, after all, and active in my life. As long as he was still in the picture, there was a chance that my mom would take him back and we'd be one family again. But if she married Jerry, that eliminated said chance.
Of course there was never really a chance, and my mom made no bones about whether it was actually my decision either. So on August 9, 1988, we went to the courthouse and watched them make it official. (It would have been the 8th, but my grandmother was sick and my mom really wanted her there.)
That didn't mean I was going to be happy about it. And no, Jerry didn't know much about kids, but I never gave him a fair chance to learn. I was sullen, morose and bitter for most of the next seven years, right up until I left for my first day of college and Jerry made me change my mind about him with one simple hug.
Because when he pulled away and wished me luck, there were tears in his eyes. And I realized just how close he'd grown to me as I grew up, how hard he always tried even as Mike and I rebuffed his advances time after time.
Ever since then, my dad and stepmom have always been just that, but my mom and Jerry are "my parents."
Jerry was my mom's boss, for a while anyway. He was the administrator at UNM's children's psychiatric hospital, where my mom was his executive assistant. He moved on a few years later, from the job anyway. To my mom, he was irreversably attached.
I forget exactly how old I was when he moved in with us, but I never thought it was permanent. My denial-addled brain had me convinced that the only reason he stayed in our house and shared a bed with my mother was because his lease had run out at the place he was renting in Westgate and he couldn't find another place where he could keep two big dogs. Sombra and TC (both German Shepherd-Doberman Pinscher crosses; Sombra more Shep, TC more Dobie) were the reasons I accepted him into the house and into my life, if I have to be honest. I'd always wanted a dog.
But I wasn't ready to accept him as a father figure. My dad was still around, after all, and active in my life. As long as he was still in the picture, there was a chance that my mom would take him back and we'd be one family again. But if she married Jerry, that eliminated said chance.
Of course there was never really a chance, and my mom made no bones about whether it was actually my decision either. So on August 9, 1988, we went to the courthouse and watched them make it official. (It would have been the 8th, but my grandmother was sick and my mom really wanted her there.)
That didn't mean I was going to be happy about it. And no, Jerry didn't know much about kids, but I never gave him a fair chance to learn. I was sullen, morose and bitter for most of the next seven years, right up until I left for my first day of college and Jerry made me change my mind about him with one simple hug.
Because when he pulled away and wished me luck, there were tears in his eyes. And I realized just how close he'd grown to me as I grew up, how hard he always tried even as Mike and I rebuffed his advances time after time.
Ever since then, my dad and stepmom have always been just that, but my mom and Jerry are "my parents."
That's very touching. Although my parents are divorced, I won't ever have that "parental" conflict if one were to re-marry since I am on my own now, but I can relate with the feelings.
Either way, I think both Jerry and your Mom are great people.
Either way, I think both Jerry and your Mom are great people.
You said it. I feel really bad about how we (read: I) treated Jerry for the first bunch of years now that I'm older.
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