I don't normally click on ads, but when this one appeared over at Dooce, I was sufficiently intrigued to check it out. Basically, Starbucks hired some design guru to turn its ordering strings into T-shirt art, and at this site you can personalize it to your taste.

Oh, no. Having a T-shirt just legitimizes these foul jargon beasts. The longer a string you have to memorize just to order your morning cup, the more space is being taken up in your brain, space that could be used for important things like remembering where you parked, or that it's not OK to park inside the building. They don't even use words you already knew, let alone words that make any kind of sense. Take sizes, for example. Small is "tall" (which means "large"), medium is "grande" (which means "large" in Spanish), and large is "venti" (which is Italian for "twenty," short for "I can't believe I've spent twenty minutes standing here while you explain the sizes").

Plus it makes the lines longer. The person in front of me always asks for some low-fat decaf double-shot room for cream extra syrup easy foam hi-def widescreen panoramic active-matrix multiphonic bullshit. Here's the problem: If I'm standing in line at Starbucks, it probably means I need coffee. This is not the time to make me wait while they fight over who has to mix your frou-frou status beverage, unless you would like me to whip out the garrote and leave room for your head.

Even my normal order looks way too fluffy when I put it through the Starbucks Jargon Generator. I fight the power every time I order; why can't my shirt do the same?



Damn the man, Warren.

Oh, and I'll be back for a refill in ten minutes.