I stopped to vote this morning on my way to work. I may not like the candidates, but I believe strongly in the democratic process and vote in every major election. Besides, every race has a reason for me to lean one way or the other.

The U.S. Senate and House races were no-brainers. Both Republican candidates are cronies of George W. Bush, for whom I wouldn't vote if he were running for secretary of the Glee Club. In fact, the Senate Republican is none other than the infamous Katherine Harris, she of 2000-election-Florida-vote-seizing fame. The Democrats may have nothing going for them other than "Republicans suck," but these ones really do.

I had a hard time caring about the local races, though. The main issue with the local candidates is education, which doesn't matter to me -- for one, by the time I have a school-age child, I'll be long gone; and secondly, even though Florida is like number six in the nation in terms of standardized tests, it hasn't made Floridians any smarter. It's supposed to be a big deal who replaces Jeb Bush as governor, but Charlie Crist and Jim Davis are the same guy (Crist has better hair, but Davis is less of a homophobe).

For the record, I'm unaffiliated with any party. I used to be a registered Democrat, but then they stopped having ideas. When we first registered in Florida, I told the lady I'd be independent, but apparently there's such a thing as the Independent Party, which is some bullshit to rope in unsuspecting dissenters if I ever heard it.

The thing about the two major parties is that they're the same. On the grand political slidey scale between fascism and anarchy, the Republicans fall just left of the center, and the Democrats are a wee nudge left of that. It's just that the Republicans love Jesus. Oh, do they ever love the Jesus. They oughta change the name to the Jesus Party. Don't get me wrong; the Democrats love them some Jesus too, at least when they're stumping for votes in the heartland. But the Democrats aren't the ones letting their love for Jesus affect the law.

Eleven states have passed laws against gay marriage. Eleven. I'm pretty sure the thirteenth, fifteenth, eighteenth and twenty-fourth amendments have something to say about equality. But here's the sad part: In the land of the free and the home of the brave, we require a Constitutional mandate telling us to respect the rights of all races, sexes, and ages. But there's no amendment protecting the gay people yet, so hooray! A group we can legally persecute! Quick, let's get the anti-gay amendment in before someone notices! (I can point to the nineteenth as an instance when even that didn't work.)

Real Republicans don't pass laws saying who can and can't get married. The original stated mission of the Republican Party (I'm paraphrasing, since I wasn't there) was to minimize the role of the federal government in our everyday lives, to let the states have carte blanche in terms of law. Does that sound like our ruling party to you? The Democrats are supposed to be the ones making stupid laws and throwing money around. I can't help but laugh at the role switch.

So maybe that makes me a Republican. Hey, since the party is sliding ever farther left into Stalin/Hitler territory, somebody might as well fill the warm spot they're vacating.